• Do You Need to Learn to Be Selfish?

    A month ago, I met a passionate woman putting together a seminar for healers. She asked if I would give a brief talk on self-compassion. A month ago, I would have said yes.

    But when I received the email with an update of the event’s information, my heart sank. My weekly workload had increased over the past month, and taking a precious Saturday to drive an hour away for an event that would last all day felt like being chained when you want to fly.  I struggled with knowing what to do.

    This wasn’t the first time I’d been in this position. In fact, I’m a little too familiar with overcommitting to please others or out of a sense of duty. I’ve been down this road far too often only to have my wheels fall off and the brakes burn out. Did I really need to practice this pattern again? Or could I do it different this time and put my feelings ahead of another’s. Now that does sound selfish, doesn’t it?

    But this was the first time I realized that saying no to her event was really saying yes to me. Could I have the audacity to put myself first?

    When you’re talking about energy, it’s a necessity, not a luxury to say yes to yourself. Whatever frequency in which you are vibrating, you will draw more like that unto you. So, you begin to care about how you feel. And if you care about the outcome – theirs and yours- you’ll think twice before committing.

    More importantly, if the life I say I want is one of peace and joy, then I must begin to choose the things that bring me peace and joy. Sure, there are things I’m doing that are currently not ringing my bells, but I’m choosing to do them today for other reasons. Again, saying yes to some things in order to say no to others. And at the same time, I must find the opportunities that do ring my bells and take them.

    If we want our realities to be different, we must begin to look at the choices we make daily.

    • We must decide and feel how we wish to feel in our lives. When we do, and hold that frequency in meditation, we are essentially thanking God for what is already here.
    • Next, we must be patient while physical reality catches up to our vibration.
    • And third, we must begin becoming that person today – in our choices and decisions. And persevere until we begin to see it manifest in our lives. It does no good for me to say I want a life of ease and slowness, of manageability and peace, and then throw 20 projects on my plate. I must become the person I seek. Another way of saying this is, “Let it begin with me.”  

    This will most certainly bring up some fear, however, since fear often guides the original decision in the first place – fear of other people’s responses and/or fear for our own security.

    But you travel down the road of fear long enough, you find see it’s a dead end.

    If something needs to change in your life, you must hold the vision of the person you wish to be and how you want to feel, then consciously, boldly (but not perfectly!) choose to be that.

    In the words of Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

    So let your journey begin, today, with you and the choices you make to have the life you desire.

    “Again, I tell you. Your call is to respond rather than be responsible. How can you be free to respond when your thinking remains tied to responsibility?” – A Course of Love

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