• How We Limit Happiness

    So many of us make happiness our goal, when the reality is, there is only one way to allow real happiness into our lives and that is through self-acceptance.


     It may seem counter-intuitive when we experience “unhappiness” in the form of sadness, anger, fear, or depression that we would need to accept whatever we feel. We believe by accepting these emotions, we are giving up or giving in.  Worse, that by accepting them, we will never feel any better.

    So instead, we do everything in our power to push away these emotions. We eat, drink, surf the net, watch television, or just stay busy in order to avoid feeling them. We do everything we can to stop feeling them.

    Moreover, we actually feel afraid or guilty for having these darker emotions.

    We tell ourselves, “anger is not spiritual”, or “we shouldn’t feel sad, look at everything we have to be grateful for”, or the one I hear most often from my clients is, “but if I feel this, won’t I just attract more negative circumstances into my life? Isn’t that what the Law of Attraction is about?”

    But the Law of Attraction isn’t about control, it’s about flow. Control equates with constriction, resistance, and suffering.

    For years, I thought if I avoided negative emotions, I’d avoid pain. The reality was my lack of acknowledgement brought me even more pain. Instead of life flowing in a more positive direction, I ended up with an eating disorder, work addiction, and relationship betrayal.

    Shoving down our so-called “negative emotions” did not keep me from pain. It only increased my suffering.


    Because the Law of Attraction says what you resist persists. What you expend your energy on, grows– and it takes a lot of energy to stuff emotions!

    When we focus on self-kindness, self-compassion, and self-acceptance, these things will grow.

    Learning how to allow these dark emotions to ride like waves through us versus swimming in them (a tool we can all be taught), enables our pain to heal and our core sense of balance and well-being to return naturally.

    Pain cannot be avoided, as any human being will tell you. Suffering, however, is optional.

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