I remember last summer when all I wanted to do was go to coffee shops and read. It was the only thing that brought any relief from the sadness I’d been experiencing. I was going through the motions of life, trying to keep up with all my responsibilities both personally and professionally, but in the end, felt numb to it all.
This discontented time in my life frightened me. My mind went into obsessive thinking while an elusive fear plagued my nervous system. It didn’t feel like I was “going” anywhere or moving towards anything. And yet, any effort on my part to force myself to do more only resulted in greater feelings of listlessness and depression.
As I look back on this time, and others like it, I realize this was the beginning of change and the awareness of discontent was the first sign of that. Fear can be a precursor to change because subconsciously a part of you knows it’s coming. In the process of change, there will be a need to withdrawal and feelings of grief may accompany that.
Your soul is getting ready to grow, to shift, to change, and change always involves a letting go of the old, which in turns involves grief, even when you don’t understand why – which is often the case. The difference between this sadness and a depression is we actually feel comforted when we make the time and space to be with ourselves in a gentle way.
The grief may manifest as just sadness, or low energy, or a desire for nature, or maybe unexpected tears. Do not be afraid something is wrong with you or your life when you experience that elusive space of “nothing’s really wrong, but something’s not quite right.” You are in the Void. Trying to force yourself to “be happy” or “get over it”, may work temporarily, but you’ll find these feelings resurfacing. Again, it’s not something you’re not doing; it’s the process of change.
So what do you do?
You recognize when your mind feels panicky or fearful and you can’t attribute it to anything in the outside world. Also, notice if sadness keeps resurfacing even when you’ve tried to do things that normally make you feel good. Remind yourself this is the process of change.
Test out the truth. Tell yourself something in your world is changing. How does it feel when you tell yourself this? Does it bring comfort or relief? Does it feel right somehow?
Allow yourself the space and time for gentle, nurturing activities – a cup of good coffee, a heart to heart with a very close friend, time out with a movie. The part that is afraid and grieving is looking for safety and comfort. Nature is a great provider of healing energy for your nervous system. It is also a good time not to tax your brain with questions you can’t answer. Imagine stroking your own hair, saying, “It’s alright. You’re going to be okay.”
Trust the process. Your Higher Self is always guiding you toward more freedom, love, and joy. Trust it now. This Higher Self knows where you are going and what’s ahead. And it is good.
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