No one is immune. We meet someone, and we may or may not feel an attraction right then, but then something happens. They look at us, say something to us, or in some other way reach way down inside of us and make us feel special. And we’re done.
It is common for relationships today to be based on, as A Course of Love states, mutual “use.” We long in our heart for a special someone whom we can give our love to fully and receive their love in return. We feel “whole” with that person, and we call this being in love.
The only problem with this scenario is any time a need is filled by something we attribute to being apart from us, we have bought into the belief of separateness. A Course of Love tells us, “As soon as love is attached to a particular, love’s opposite must be brought into existence.” And the opposite of love is fear. And the greatest fear of all is loss of love.
The thought for a loss of love comes out of separateness – a wounded part from our past feels separated from love and is looking for redemption, finding it in this person. That is why we are attracted to a person so similar to our mothers and fathers or caregivers. We have attributed the love someone has given us as fulfilling a need, when the reality is all needs are met by union with our own Source, who is Love.
Once we’ve made another our source for love, we’ve separated ourselves from God. Now we’ve “fallen in love”, only to find ourselves slowly losing our real self. We start to feel crazy. We scrutinize our behaviors and their reactions with the intensity of a scientist. If I do this, they’ll approve of me. If I say this, it’ll impress them. If I act like this, they’ll want to be with me.
Relationships fail because we try to control the person’s love through our actions. Paradoxically, it is when we are practicing self-love and self-care that we regain our connection to the Love inside ourselves. Here we are able to love freely and without fear. Here we regain our true Power and connection to our Source.
When we come to any relationship filled with the love from living in connection to our Source, we cease making our relationships “special” and instead, make them holy. Now we bring our whole Self to the relationship with this other person. Here, is the only place they can recognize their true Self, because in this place we are one. Only there will we recognize the deeper experience of real love.
“Each joining returns you to the holy relationship. Only this relationship is real.” – A Course of Love